Your
Dreams Aren't Theirs
Brigid Reilly
Ardee Community School
It's times like these when I really wish I were brainless. There's always
so much more expected of you once you can figure out what x equals! Sometimes
I feel so frustrated with my life, it and everything in it is so safe
and boring. My life has already been etched in stone. It goes something
like this. I'll leave school with a respectable Leaving Cert. and by that,
I mean no teachers will be disappointed with my results. Then I'll probably
get a degree and once that's obtained, it's a short trip to that lovely
little 9-5 job with a company car and a Christmas bonus. I will use the
car to drive though rivers of traffic to a destination a short distance
away (walking would be completely out of the question). Some time later
I'll either marry or go house hunting or both. I'll then spent the rest
of my life trying paying off a loan and feeding what has become a rather
obnoxious pet - Mr. Celtic Tiger to you.
It would be easier if I were stupid. My parents would be delighted if
I managed to be successful in any career, whatever it may be. Well it's
about time I stopped myself before I wake up in that ridiculously expensive
house, which is surrounded by its clones. Today I'm going to follow what
I'm really passionate about - Music. I know it won't be a wonderful journey,
I know that less than 1% of all bands become 'famous' but, if I don't
go now, I'll always have a lingering regret, "what if?".
I'm approaching the door (maybe they'll be pleased for me) - as if! I
burst in the door in a dramatic fashion and announce: "I'm leaving
school, to be the lead singer in a rock band. I'm sorry but I've already
decided." An empty silence prevails so I continue. "We're leaving
at the end of the month" I gulp and wait for a reply.
Mother somehow manages to pull herself from behind a "Danielle Steel"
novel. Daddy reluctantly opens his eyes. I'm expecting a litany of unreasonable
questions but the two of them just explode in a fit of hysterics.
"I'm glad you find it amusing but I don't tend to joke about life
changing issues", I stand with my hands on my hips and wait for them
to finish. My tone must have frightened them and they look at me with
faces full of confusion. I say all sorts of stupid, reassuring things
like "if it doesn't work out I'll return to school" but that
look still doesn't leave them. I feel awfully uncomfortable, as both look
so hurt.
Mother is the one to break the silence. "You've such potential,
how can you even consider wasting your whole life?" She sounds desperate.
"How can you just give up school and all that you've worked for and
what will your teachers say?" I shrug my shoulders and realize I've
completely forgotten my cause. I don't want to start leaking in front
of them so I run out of the room to save whatever dignity remains within
me.
I hide myself in my bedroom. I tell myself that it was naïve to
expect any other response and that leaving school is just stupid and totally
irrational. I switch on the CD Player - my only valid comfort. I absorb
myself I the lyrics and lose myself temporarily to another world. I wonder
did the singer's parents fully approve when he told them that he was going
to enter the world of music. They probably didn't because you rarely find
a good 'parentally-approved' band. I glance around the room until my eyes
find that poster, the one that inspires me: "Your father will curse
and your mother will weep, they keep wondering when you'll grow up and
get your act together but your dreams aren't theirs so string up and take
to the road because in time even your parents will understand". I
simply must leave now; this may be the only opportunity I have to change
the direction of my life.
I begin to bundle some of my clothes into a backpack and wonder if some
day I'll be writing about this in my autobiography. I can't hold in the
excitement, as I write the note my hand bounces violently on the page
and I'm hoping it will legible. I explain why I must leave and that I'll
phone soon. I'm half way out the window when I wonder why on earth I didn't
use the door but I guess the window seemed more appropriate for the occasion.
"I'm actually going to do this" I keep saying to myself as
I run down the road. I don't look back for fear that sight of home will
be enough to change my mind. I'm blinded by the headlamps of a large lorry.
I stick out my thumb and the truck comes to a halt. The door swings open
and I hop on without a thought. There's no going back now, I'm well away
that Christmas bonus, I'm living out my dream now, and I've given up being
a thinker. "For a dreamer lives forever and a thinker dies in a day."
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