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Volume 1 (1999/2000)
Issue
1 (March 1999)
Issue
2 (Nov. 1999)
Issue 3 (Dec. 1999)
Issue 4 (Feb. 2000)
Issue 5 (March 2000)
Issue 6 (April 2000)
Issue
7 (May 2000)
Volume 2 (2000/2001)
Issue 1 (Sept. 2000)
Issue 2 (Oct. 2000)
Issue 3 (Jan. 2001)
Issue 4 (March 2001)
Issue 5 (April 2001)
Issue 6 (May 2001)
Volume 3 (2001)
Issue 1 (Sept. 2001)
Issue 2 (Nov. 2001)
Categories
Sport: 1
2 3
Lifestyles: 1 2
3
Commentary: 1 2
3
Review: 1 2
3
Writing: 1 2
3
Event: 1 2
3
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Elizabeth
Geary,
SHM Ferrybank, Waterford
Before reading on, check you
have all the following requirements - else you could be disappointed.
Female, 16 or 17 years old. Long hair, baby voice and a cute face that
looks like butter wouldn't melt in the (pretty little) mouth. You're on
the right track at this stage. Now all you need is to practice a few moves
and get Louis Walsh or some such other Midas on your side. A producer
that worked with Kylie in the 80s is a necessary ingredient after this,
to churn out a cheesy yet singable pop tune that will have seven-year-olds
rushing out of national schools everywhere to their nearest record store.
Good girl. You've made it to No.4 in the U.K. and possibly, No.1 in Denmark.
(Those Danes!)
Now it's time for a dash of
over-exposure. Sell your image to any company that will buy it: kitchen-paper
manufacturers (well it's one way to become a household name); duvet covers;
pencil cases; whatever. Great. You're doing fine. The seven-year-olds
set up a church in your honour. Your producer dresses you in leather the
whole time (making you even more like a cow) and men of all ages go silly
at the mention of your name. And, of course, every female from the ages
of 16-34 hates your guts. Yep. You're on a par with Britney and Christina.
Except you reckon you have a brain and an opinion. Girl, take it easy.
You don't have to prove that you've got something underneath all those
hair extensions - you just gotta look good.
Keep producing the rubbish
pop and in less than five months you're a teenage millionaire. Keep it
up for about five years and read Kerri-Ann's (who? Exactly!) biography
for tips on how to fade away and be completely forgotten. Buy yourself
a nice mansion in Texas and go live there, or something. You've been famous,
done the Jay Leno Show and worn the red leather catsuit. Well done. Being
a popstar isn't so easy. (But thank God for the twelve personal assistants,
one hundred and fifty crew and the art of mime).
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